Positive Liberty

The kilt, the skirt, the “unbifurcated garment:” Call it what you will, it’s latest thing in menswear. As always, gay men are the early-adopters of the fashion world–and the first of the fashion victims.

At a recent black-tie event for the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington DC, I counted at least six different guests who combined a tuxedo top with a traditional Scottish kilt down below. As everyone knows, men in Scotland wear kilts for all kinds of formal occasions, and sometimes men of Scottish ancestry like to point out their heritage by wearing a kilt even outside their native land. Let me emphasize that this is not what was going on. I know these people. If they’re Scottish then I’m a Trobriand Islander.

Nope, there’s something new in the air, and further proof comes from the Utilikilt, a thick, ruggedized, all-weather, unbifurcated garment made for the urban jungle warrior in us all. The androgynous sarong never won the hearts and legs of the fashion world, but the butched-up Utilikilt may yet succeed: At DC’s Gay Pride last weekend, the Utilikilt booth was full to capacity.

I don’t know how straight women feel about the kilt, but gay men all seem to agree: A good-looking guy in a kilt is hot. Really hot. Really really really hot.

I suspect we like kilts for their easy access, both real and implied.

It’s also about, well, the underwear question. As in: Does he or doesn’t he?

While gay men are on the front lines of the fashion war, there’s one way that we’re playing catch-up with the heterosexuals: Straight men have been chasing skirts for centuries. When you add up straight men, gay men, and the undeniable skirt-chasing lesbians, it’s likely that a solid majority now fantasizes about getting their hands up someone else’s unbifurcated garment.

If straight guys start wearing kilts, then pretty soon everyone is going to be a skirt-chaser. Think of it: Straight women, lingering at glass elevators, leering when the wind blows, their naughty hands venturing to places where they don’t belong… It’s only a matter of time until someone, probably a woman full of righteous anger, invents the mini-kilt, which men will feel obliged to wear whether they want to or not.

Payback’s a bitch, huh?

It’s worth pointing out that “pants” as we now know them are not universal and never have been. Greece and Rome never dreamed of wearing pants; for centuries on end, the toga was the last word in men’s fashion. Since then, men have worn robes, tabards, chain mail, stockings, leggings, culottes–the list of garments to cover the lower half of the male body is nearly as long as history itself.

If kilts come back, does that mean there’s hope for the codpiece?

Pants themselves only came into fashion with the French Revolution, when a group of Parisian radicals started calling themselves the sans-culottes, meaning “the men who don’t wear culottes.” Culottes were the lacy, delicate, tight-fitting hose worn by the aristocrats; the closest thing we have to culottes these days is panty hose, which gives you an idea of how far we’ve come.

In place of culottes, the radicals wore pantalons, or pants, which they touted as simple, durable, useful, and modest. The idea caught on, and pants quite literally became the official garment of the French Revolution. Among its many utopian projects, the First French Republic commissioned Jacques-Louis David to design the official dress for a good French republican; David’s republican proudly sported a pair of trousers.

The tricolor cockade didn’t catch on, but pants were an easy way for politicians to show solidarity with the little people. Much like Napoleon, the humble pantalon began obscurely in the Revolution and went on to conquer most of the western world. Culottes disappeared forever, the victims of a working-class fashion revolt.

[Incidentally, I read a fascinating article recently about the exposure of private parts as a political statement in the French Revolution. The author documented many examples of revolutionary mooning; he suggested that in the Revolutionary context, the term "sans culottes" should often be understood quite literally. This also is why you should never do a Google images search for "sans culotte" at work. Just trust me. And if the nudists ever want it, they've now got a great name for a political party.]

But back to kilts. At the black-tie event I mentioned above, one of the invitees combined his tuxedo top with a rugged nylon Utilikilt. This, dear readers, is a definite fashion faux pas. A tuxedo is the limousine of menswear; a Utilikilt is a shiny-but-rugged late-model SUV. Playing mix-and-match is about as sensible as those stretch Hummers you sometimes see on the roads. Merely being able to do it doesn’t mean that it looks good.

And finally, it remains to be seen whether the kilt it is just a momentary blip on the fashion radar–or whether it’s destined to overthrow the sans-culottes’ 200-year reign of terror. Even Tom Smith, a contributor to the conservative Right Coast blog, has made a serious plea for the kilt. Is the kilt about to change men’s fashion forever? Or is it headed the way of the fauxhawk?

A third possibility is that we’ll one day consign the kilt to the same category as capri pants, bell bottoms, and really tight 501s: Cicada-like, they come back with each succeeding generation, only to languish for years in the used-clothing underground. There’s also a strong possibility that kilts will come to be so closely associated with the gay male world that no one else would dare to wear them. But if this butch new fashion trend catches on among masculinity-loving right-wingers just as much as it seems to be doing among gay men, it could be the start of something big.

Me, I’m not all that adventurous: For the moment, I’m keeping my pants on.

UPDATE: Tom Smith of The Right Coast replies to my musings here.

First, he suggests that in light of the pantalon’s French Revolutionary origin, there are now solid political reasons for conservatives to take up the kilt.

The second argument he makes is a bit more implicit and also more complex. Cynically, I might restate it as follows: “Sure, kilts are gay and even radical–at the moment. But soon they may well go mainstream. And shortly afterward, conservatives will be able to say that they’ve been wearing kilts all along. What else are radicals for?”

Despite all appearances, I am not a cynic at heart, and I wouldn’t really want to put things so crudely. I know full well that this is the way of the world, that innovators always have the most to lose, and that conservatives always make the safest bets.

As an openly gay man with a strong affinity for the Scottish Enlightenment–Hume, Smith, et al.–I’m probably one of the very few people who doesn’t really mind these forecasted developments. I’d love it if more gay men were in touch with the roots of modern freedom. But I can easily see the rest of you grumbling: Bah! That’s gratitude for ya. We’re the fashion guinea pigs, and you get all the credit… And I have to say I feel a certain sympathy.

It’s also worth pointing out that while kilts are quite traditional, clan tartans are not. The tartans as we know them today are a product of the early 19th century’s obsessive nationalism–a mania that began… with the French Revolution.

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Comments via Blogger:

I don’t think you’ll see me in a kilt regardless of how well they might catch on. I think if they really do end up getting big among gay men they will be picked up by straight men though. That’s what happened with long hair, earrings, etc. (neither of which I have ever worn either, I might add). I wish I’d know you were going to be at Capital Pride, would have been neat to have met you.
-dolphin
# posted by Anonymous : 11:30 AM

“I don’t know how straight women feel about the kilt, but gay men all seem to agree: A good-looking guy in a kilt is hot. Really hot. Really really really hot.”

I saw the Utilikilt on Russell Whittaker’s website and immediately sent a link to my husband, thinking he would be game.

Unfortunately, the man (who let me shave his head then let the hair grow to magnificent proportions, has tried on my heels for the hell of it and would quite literally do anything once) doesn’t seem enamoured of the idea at all.

I’m devastated, kilts are darned sexy – and so are the men who are assured enough in themselves to wear them.

…oh, and yes, there *is* the issue of being able to slide one’s hand up above the knee. Very handy feature, that.

I took a quick poll of female friends and have been assured that kilts make them grin fiendishly. :)
# posted by Monica White : 11:34 AM