Positive Liberty

If you’re like me, whenever you see the headline above, you begin to salivate. Not for the tempting taste of plump Irish babies, mind you, but for a good old parody in the style of Jonathan Swift. Jennifer Gordon of Purdue University has written a new twist on what could be the longest-running meme in the anglophone commentariat. Here is her modest proposal:

Homosexuality is a contagious malady which adversely affects our economy and endangers Americans souls.

The homosexual population in the United States drains our economy. The government requires companies to provide insurance for domestic partners and their children which forces prices to rise, which harms every American consumer.

Homosexuality also affects the souls of the ten percent of Americans who have fallen victim to the plague. The Bible clearly states that any man who lays with another man should be put to death and end up in Hell.

I have objectively examined the homosexual plague and have created a modest proposal to eradicate the epidemic.

Extraordinary members of police agencies will be employed to gather homosexuals for redistribution in “degayification” camps. These camps will provide the homosexuals with the proper tools to alleviate their symptoms.

Read the whole thing at The Exponent Online, Purdue University’s student paper.

In all cases, the logic of the modest proposal is simple: We must either have the courage of our convictions–fully and frankly–or else admit that somewhere within them, there lurks a very ugly sentiment. The “modest proposal” lays it all on the table and does wonders to clarify our thinking. Thanks, Jennifer. You’re awesome.

And if you read French, you can also visit this page. In the comments, a group of non-anglophones simply didn’t get the joke. More troublingly, they refused to get it, even when the connection to Swift was explained to them (comments on this blog show the most recent first; Swift was pointed out quite early in the discussion, and pretty much everyone dismissed the similarity). These people proceeded to call Ms. Gordon a Nazi in a hundred different ways. And she’s a Nazi who is perfectly typical of America, because we’re all Nazis here: “Clearly, many French do not understand that that’s how the United States really is, that this girl is by no means unusual, and that she represents what the majority of Americans think right now,” wrote one commenter.

Shame on them. Shame on them for not knowing Swift, perhaps the one English author that everyone should read–and shame on them for dismissing the obvious fact that this essay was a parody. They find it more comforting, I suppose, to have Americans that they can hate. And they say that we’re the Nazis.

In English, a “modest proposal” is always a parody. Shame on them for thinking otherwise–and for thinking so badly of Americans besides.

In the comments, I did my best to challenge these anti-American stereotypes and to set the record, um, straight. (And yes, I know about the accent marks. I wasn’t near my French-language computer when I typed it.) We’ll see what happens. I hope that I too am not mistaken for a Nazi. I’m openly gay, I love both the United States and France, and I just wish they would get along a little better.

Update: Be sure to see the comments below, all of which are written in English. I think that we are all learning something from the exchange.

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