Positive Liberty

Hey kids, want a hot tip on the papal futures market?

I just knew you did…

Josh Claybourn, who has been on quite a roll lately, points out that John Paul II was born during a partial solar eclipse–and that he will be buried during another partial solar eclipse. For bonus points, Mark Shea even connects John Paul II’s death to the visions at Fatima. But I know what’s really on your mind…

How can I use divine prophecy to make a fat pile of money at Tradesports.com?

Enter Saint Malachy, a 12-century Irish prophet. Malachy penned a short description of every future pope… all the way to the Apocalypse! Intriguingly, John Paul II’s tagline is “De Labore Solis,” From the Work (or Eclipse) of the Sun, which clearly references the above-mentioned solar eclipses.

Sure, some of these predictions are obviously just a shot in the dark. Take Pius X, “Ignis Ardens,” A Burning Fire: “This Pope showed a burning passion for spiritual renewal in the Church,” says the above-linked site, which apparently believes in the prophecies anyway.

But interestingly, even the more-or-less sensible Catholic Encyclopedia has a favorable treatment of Malachy’s predictions: “Those who have undertaken to interpret and explain these symbolical prophecies have succeeded in discovering some trait, allusion, point, or similitude in their application to the individual popes, either as to their country, their name, their coat of arms or insignia, their birth-place, their talent or learning, the title of their cardinalate, the dignities which they held etc,” it writes. Those who seek shall find, eventually.

Now here’s what you’ve all been waiting for: Malachy tagged the next pope “Gloria Olivae,” From the Glory of the Olive.

Many interpret this as meaning that he will be a Benedictine; their order is sometimes called the Olivetians. But he may also come from a country–like Italy–that happens to grow a lot of olives. Or maybe he will have… dare I say it… skin like a ripe (black) olive? If an olive appears in his coat of arms, in his family name, in what he ate for lunch at the conclave… Then it’s time to get out the tiara.

(Oh, and I must say I’m very sorry to my Protestant and Jewish readers, too: If Malachy’s prophecies really are divinely inspired, then your religions are false and heretical. There’s no conceivable reason that a Protestant or a Jewish God would rattle off a laundry list of the next 112 leaders of a mistaken religion, is there? Still, some Protestants are not deterred.)

In any event, you had better act now: According to St. Malachy, the next pope will also be the next-to-last pope. After me, the deluge:

Peter the Roman: This final Pope will likely be Satan, taking the form of a man named Peter who will gain a worldwide allegiance and adoration. He will be the final antichrist which prophecy students have long foretold. If it were possible, even the very elect would be deceived. The 112th prophesy states: “In the final persecution of the Holy Roman Church there will reign Petrus Romanus, who will feed his flock amid many tribulations; after which the seven-hilled city will be destroyed and the dreadful Judge will judge the people. The End.”

Malachy’s final words, “Rome, the seat of the Vatican, will be destroyed and the dreadful Judge will judge the people.”

Say, I wonder if Tradesports is laying any odds on that one? And is it still a good idea to convert to Catholicism, what with Satan the next in line for the papacy?

Seriously, the real problem with these prophecies is that they are so vague as to be meaningless. Consider John Paul II: Couldn’t he just as well be “Ignis Ardens,” the burning fire, given his hard-line stance on many social and political issues? Couldn’t he be the Pilgrim Pope (Pius VI’s ostensible title), given how John Paul II has traveled more than any of his predecessors–and has made a pilgrimage to Jerusalem? Could he not be “Of the Half Moon” (John Paul I’s title), again because of these partial solar eclipses? These are just the things I recalled off the top of my head; I’m sure that more could very easily be found if I put any effort into it.

And if you think that’s vague, consider this: Paul IV is “De fide Petri.” Duh. Innocent XII is “De bona Religione,” which is a fairly safe bet (and remember that if he weren’t of good religion, then the prophecy would be inaccurate). Likewise with Pius VIII, “Vir religiosus.”

In a sense, predictions like these prey on the strong desire of the faithful to believe–and to see their beliefs confirmed. Given how easy it is to “fit” these titles to their purported owners, though, I doubt the system could ever be falsified. For those of you inclined to try, the full list can be found here; many authorities claim that the prophecies are a forgery dating to 1590, which may make earlier prophecies more accurate. Though with the built-in vagueness factor, one never knows.

Update: Also be sure to see my latest, um, tirade.

Update II: See also my post about Joseph Ratzinger, elected Benedict XVI on April 19, 2005.