My Life, Explained

Jason Kuznicki on Dec 12th 2006

A devil food is turning our kids into homosexuals.

The food, as you probably already know, is tofu. Real Americans know that soy is weird and foreign and feminizing. I could go on and on about the racist and sexist implications of all of this. But why bother… Beneath the fold is a photograph of my actual refrigerator.

Gay Homosexual Tofu

Yes, that really is six pounds of tofu. (”Sam Wang” brand, too. You can’t make this stuff up.) Also almost a gallon of soy milk, some plain lowfat yogurt, kimchi, and French wine, just to add insult to injury.

Filed in The Boudoir

14 Responses to “My Life, Explained”

  1. Sam Parison 12 Dec 2006 at 9:22 pm

    From thr article in question:”Research is now showing that when you feed your baby soy formula, you’re giving him or her the equivalent of five birth control pills a day.”

    This would, I suppose, explain why the population of China is so small…

  2. Ed Braytonon 12 Dec 2006 at 10:05 pm

    Where’s the quiche?

  3. Jason Kuznickion 12 Dec 2006 at 10:17 pm

    There is bacon in the drawer, and tht’s an organic cage-free brown egg you see on the right, in the door. Quiche lorraine can’t be that far away.

  4. VRBon 12 Dec 2006 at 10:26 pm

    Is that what you make with that much tofu?

  5. Outside The Beltway | OTBon 13 Dec 2006 at 12:23 am

    Soy Loco

    WorldNetDaily writer Jim Rutz has found the enemy… and it is soy:
    There’s a slow poison out there that’s severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it’s a “health food,&#8…

  6. Timothy Sandefuron 13 Dec 2006 at 12:32 am

    Please, please tell me this is photoshop, Jason. Please. Oh my god.

  7. Treyon 13 Dec 2006 at 1:23 am

    Oh my… a man after my own heart. I mean, you have tofu…

    but is that KIMCHI I see….

    I’m in love (in a purely platonic way of course, you know.. I’ve got a husband) :)

  8. Daddy, Papa and Meon 13 Dec 2006 at 1:24 am

    I eat tofu… _I_ must be gay

    Excuse the line from In & Out (modified of course). Apparently, the World Net Daily (a news blog contributed to and read by many conservative leaders/pundits) had an exclusive commentary: A devil food is turning our kids into homosexuals. You…

  9. Jason Kuznickion 13 Dec 2006 at 6:05 am

    This is not a photoshop. This is my actual refrigerator. We eat tofu about once a week. Other days we eat more American foods, too… chicken, pork, beef, and the like. But we’ve always loved Asian foods, especially Japanese and Korean, so there you have it.

    And, while quiche lorraine isn’t usually made with tofu, Scott happens to be lactose intolerant, so I would probably substitute soy milk for the heavy cream. Yes, I know, it’s a crime against French cuisine. But lactose intolerance is no fun whatsoever.

  10. Matthewon 13 Dec 2006 at 10:42 am

    Makes sense to me. You’d have to be pretty gay to like that stuff.

  11. Hubbardon 13 Dec 2006 at 6:14 pm

    Couldn’t Scott just have some Dairy Ease? That’s what I do when I want to have ice cream and other things that (to my knowledge) soy can’t replace cream with well.

  12. JeremyDon 13 Dec 2006 at 7:07 pm

    Hey! I think this would be a great web-site! “OurRefrigeratorsAmerica.org” where we can take a walk on the wild side and see how the other half lives!

    I’ve got to think what I’ve got in mine (the absence of a lot, says a lot):

    bag of lemons
    toasty real croutons (sp?)
    a single pomegranate
    some bacon
    two kinds of french cheese
    some gala apples
    French’s mustard
    Heinz ketchup
    Kim Soy sauce
    6 or 7 Velveeta slices
    6 or 7 onions
    half a dozen eggs
    half a stick of butter
    3/4 gallon of 2% milk
    4 100% beef Oscar Meyer weiners!

  13. Jason Kuznickion 13 Dec 2006 at 10:57 pm

    Hubbard,

    DairyEase only does so much, and it’s annoying when you have to eat as many pills as you do bites of food. There are degrees of lactose intolerance, and Scott is like the Fred Phelps of lactose.

  14. Bill Sneddenon 15 Dec 2006 at 12:01 pm

    Hmmm…”the Fred Phelps of lactose”…

    “God hates fromage!”

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